life and lines.

I find myself staring these days at the dark circles under my eyes. In the mirror, in pictures, wondering when and how the heck I accumulated the under-eyes of an exhausted lady. And then I notice lines – LINES? Lines around my eyes, and even some laugh lines are forming. And I’ve got a lot more peach fuzz in places where hair never used to grow. And I think about when I was 15 and I could eat whatever I wanted without feeling sluggish but now half a burger or a diet soda makes me want to crawl in bed and only eat apples and spinach for the rest of my life. And my eyes – my eyes are a little crazy lately. This one MIGHT be due to the fact that I haven’t worn my glasses or contacts in over two years but HEY my prescription isn’t that bad so it’s okay to let it slide, right? Or am I going to be blind by the time I’m 40, this is a thought that plagues me, along with my muscles that ache all antsy-like when I get out of bed in the morning and those dang circles under my eyes that a little bit remind me of a furry, rascally animal.

This morning as I was scrutinizing my under-eyes and the stupid lines that are pre-forming around my eyes and mouth in my ripe young age of 23, I thought about the ladies above the age of 50 whom I love and admire, and thought about their faces and the men in their lives who love and adore them even more now than when they knew them in their 20’s. And I thought about the man who always believes I’m loveliest when my face is bare and my laugh is hearty and my smile is ever present, glowing with a love of life itself and of living it well.

And I thought of this quote from the movie The Guardian, a conversation between two old friends, and the wise words of Ms. Maggie McGlone.

Ben: “When the heck did we get old?”
Maggie: “Hell, I've always been old Ben. You know what though, I don't mind. I mean if my muscles ache, it's because I've used them. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, because I walked up them every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies with sunny days. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way through a pretty damn good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned.”

I want always to celebrate life. I want to celebrate the fact that I’ve experienced innumerable days in the sun where my heart was so full with joy I thought it might burst, that I’ve spent sleepless nights learning the deepest secrets and desires of the man I love most in this world, and other sleepless nights where I’ve experienced my deepest despair or my biggest spiritual revelations and learned the mechanics and tapestries of my own soul. I want to celebrate that I’ve laughed, and still laugh, a lot. I want to earn this life I've been given and love every minute of it. And when I’m 65 years old and I’m walking up the stairs every night to lay next to the man who loves me, I want to see my wrinkly face and my darkened under-eyes the way he sees them: beautiful, and full of life.