october 8, 2013

Depression blows.
The older I have grown and the more people I have formed relationships with, the more I have come to realize that depression is a very real, very common, very heartbreaking thing. Depression is not something that someone can simply "will away" or try to get over. It consumes you. Hangs over you like a dark cloud that you feel like has no justifiable reason to be there except to just exist and ruin any shred of light or hope you had felt prior to that GD cloud showing up.
I have seen a grown man crumple into something so completely void of his former self in less than a few seconds. I have seen an experienced mother unable to embrace her other children because holding her own head up while cradling her newest baby was all she could manage. I have seen a newlywed woman clutching a pillow with tears streaming down her face, hundreds of miles away from her new husband who struggled to understand this grief that had suddenly come over her.
I don't know why depression exists. I don't know why only some people have been given this trial. I don't know why it affects different people, at different ages, under different circumstances, some only for a few months and some for the rest of their lives. But I know that it is real.
Every April and every October, as I anticipate a weekend of our LDS General Conference, I usually pray to receive a specific answer or piece of guidance from one of the talks. And last week, I prayed for someone to talk about having hope when all hope seems lost, about the reality of despair, and how we can heal. And then Elder Holland went and gave an entire freaking talk on clinical depression. It was like HF put my prayer on a platter and served it up for the whole world to partake.
I don't know if I will ever fully understand depression, but I pray daily to have the patience and compassion to help my loved ones deal with it. This conference session helped reiterate the knowledge in my heart that the Lord knows me, hears me, and loves me.
Compassion is a beautiful thing. It is what ties us together as human beings, it is what unites nations and it is what connects our hearts. As Elder Holland asked of us, may we all strive to have compassion for each other and try to make another person's burden a little lighter, their day a little brighter.